How to cope with a constantly traveling spouse

The typical picture of married life looks like this: one or both spouses get home from work, share dinner, tell each other about their days, pursue a hobby either together or separately for an hour or so, and then crawl between the covers together to repeat the routine the next day.

 

However, for spouses of consultants or other professions that require frequent travel, that picture of routine could not be farther from the truth of daily life.

 

For marriages in which one of the spouses takes trips for work, the other spouse is often left at home running the household (and working, if that spouse also has a job). The duties of keeping house and holding down a full-time job–and raising children–that fall so heavily on the spouse who doesn’t travel can result in feelings of intense loneliness, resentment, and anger if the couple doesn’t take steps to avoid them.

 

Below are tips on how to cope with a spouse who frequently travels, as well as how to keep your relationship strong.

Loneliness and Stress When a Spouse Travels: When a spouse travels for his or her job, the spouse left at home will have to deal with not only loneliness, but the stress of handling everyday life situations alone. For instance, if the car breaks down or the dishwasher floods the kitchen, the spouse at home will be the finding an alternate ride to work or finding a repairman. If one of the children gets sick, the spouse at home will be the one ferrying the child to the doctor and taking sick days to act as caretaker. Those situations can lead to short and snappish phone calls, finger-pointing, and blame–and those feelings of anger and resentment will seep into the relationship when the traveling spouse comes home.

 

Furthermore, the spouse who stays at home may also be coping with anxiety and depression from spending so much time alone–eating dinner alone and finding ways to amuse yourself when you’re longing to see the person you love can be very disheartening.

Prioritizing Work and Setting Routines When One Spouse Travels: One way to avoid a stress avalanche when one spouse travels for his or her job is to prioritize work.

 

For instance, don’t feel that you have to do all the cleaning and run all the errands when your spouse is out of town. If you’re really feeling tired and worn thin, the dishes can wait for a day; those weeds in the garden don’t need to be pulled; and you have about a month before the dry cleaner donates your clothes.

 

To take some of the load off of yourself, sit down with your spouse and divide up the household chores and errands so that they don’t all fall on you. It can be hard to do this, because you may worry about the spouse being tired from traveling all week; the natural inclination is to not ask him/her to do anything around the house. But that’s not fair to you! Keep the burden as even as possible.

 

To avoid loneliness, develop routines and stick to them. If possible, text frequently throughout the day and have quick chats, with a longer talk around the same time every night. Set aside one day and one night on the weekend where you ONLY see one another–no friends, no family, no interferences. Just use the time to reconnect and enjoy each other’s company.

 

Deciding if Traveling is Right for Your Marriage: Some couples don’t mind when one spouse travels–perhaps one partner enjoys solitude, and they appreciate their time together on weekends all the more. However, for some couples a relationship where one spouse travels can be misery.In such instances, it may help to seek counseling for how to cope with the loneliness and stress, as well as how to re-connect during times when the spouse is home. Ultimately, however, if one spouse cannot handle the travel, it might be time to evaluate what’s more important: the career or your marriage. Part of marriage is sharing a life, and having a present spouse only two days a week just may not be enough.

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