Got this from a friend on whatsapp and thought I should share for your adoption. You can pad it, unpad it, reorganise, insert and delete or just copy and paste. So long as it FANTASTICALLY suits your purpose.
Dear Friends & Relatives.......
Following the recent adjustment in fuel price to N 145/litre , I have restructured proposals for the remaining year of 2016 & beyond. Kindly read through & note as it affects you.
1. Visits to your house or offices outside 3 kilometre radius has been classified long distance & to be embarked on once in a year.
2. Visiting your house or office on agreed appointment & meeting your absence is a crime & will only be forgiven upon receipt of 50 liters of fuel.
3. Visits to the village has been classified as luxury & would be embarked upon once in 4 years.
4. In the unlikely event that you need to seriously see me, please I am always on facebook, WhatsApp.
6. Weddings, burials & naming ceremonies outside 3km radius are not to be attended. Presents will be sent by courier.
7. Weddings within 3km radius with reception following & venues more than a walking distance from the church, I will attend only the church event to avoid being held up in traffic.
8. Please family meetings & all sorts of gathering are prohibited, all such can be done through skype & conference calls, kindly learn how this facilities work.
9. Do not call me at any hour of the day or night to take you to the hospital as I am not a taxi driver or a doctor.
10. If you are visiting please come with your hand fans & your phone batteries charged as the generator is only to be used at my pleasure.
11.Invitations for events outside Uyo are prohibited except of course you are providing my means of transportation to & fro.
12. Bicycles, Donkeys and Carmels are alternative means of transportation, please check your economics textbook. Do not ask me why am using them.
Thank u all for your continued cooperation.
Following the recent adjustment in fuel price to N 145/litre , I have restructured proposals for the remaining year of 2016 & beyond. Kindly read through & note as it affects you.
1. Visits to your house or offices outside 3 kilometre radius has been classified long distance & to be embarked on once in a year.
2. Visiting your house or office on agreed appointment & meeting your absence is a crime & will only be forgiven upon receipt of 50 liters of fuel.
3. Visits to the village has been classified as luxury & would be embarked upon once in 4 years.
4. In the unlikely event that you need to seriously see me, please I am always on facebook, WhatsApp.
6. Weddings, burials & naming ceremonies outside 3km radius are not to be attended. Presents will be sent by courier.
7. Weddings within 3km radius with reception following & venues more than a walking distance from the church, I will attend only the church event to avoid being held up in traffic.
8. Please family meetings & all sorts of gathering are prohibited, all such can be done through skype & conference calls, kindly learn how this facilities work.
9. Do not call me at any hour of the day or night to take you to the hospital as I am not a taxi driver or a doctor.
10. If you are visiting please come with your hand fans & your phone batteries charged as the generator is only to be used at my pleasure.
11.Invitations for events outside Uyo are prohibited except of course you are providing my means of transportation to & fro.
12. Bicycles, Donkeys and Carmels are alternative means of transportation, please check your economics textbook. Do not ask me why am using them.
Thank u all for your continued cooperation.
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PLEASE BE POLITE