When the news broke yesterday that President Buhari was meeting with Aso Rock staff, I thought: Great management/staff strategic meeting. It was unusual. Unprecedented too, I suppose.
But I also wondered what the topic of strategy on the agenda could be? That Baba's Tuwo is made too hard for him to swallow? No. Instead it was reported that Buhari spoke about his allergies. He stressed that he is particularly allergic to corruption.
The Aso Rock staff were befuddled. What the fish was going on? Were they summoned to hear the President's well versed and overly publicized "sermon on the mount" tirade on anti corruption? Is there some report of stealing or looting among the staff? Suspicious glances were furtively cast and feet shuffled in anxiety.
The story says: "Many of the staff thought it was going to be a heart-to-heart talk, and had planned to discuss burning welfare issues with the president." Well, they were wrong.
One of the workers told The Cable: "You can then imagine our shock when the State House permanent secretary (Jalal Arbi), who led us to the meeting, told the president we only came to welcome him back from his medical trip."
Now, seriously, this one had me in stitches. I was laughing so hard, I couldn't breathe. Talk of raw, undiluted, sulphuric sycophancy.
To add salt to injury, the President's spokesman, Femi Adesina, declared with some aplomb and maybe dramatic flourish that the staff from 12 departments of State House came to bid Buhari a “warm welcome” from his two week ear treatment trip to the UK.
Arbi spoke. And words like: your children, privileged, assure you of our commitment, integrity blah blah blah tumbled out of mouths moulded from from deceptive perception management.
After Mr President delivered his allergy for corruption speech, there were no questions. Everybody return to your seats and earn your keep.
The bewildered staff are reportedly amazed at the high wire conspiracy of sycophancy by their ogas at the top, wondering if that was not some form of corruption.
I also hear from inner sources that the staff wondered why Baba was talking to them about corruption when the real heavy men of corruption live free and are very well known.
They scratched their heads pondering Baba's declaration of acute allergic reaction to corruption and wondered how he hobnobs with the well known con artists of corruption that fueled his campaign to power and with whom he dines daily as party chieftains.
Those in image management know that an ignorant or fearful or manipulative brand head of an organization is likely to reduce his job to obsequious highlighting of what he perceives his boss wants. So if the boss loves adulation, publicity or even lying, the public image of the organization becomes the mirror image of such silly posturing of the boss. And he gets promoted with bonuses not for professional work but for destructive perception management of his boss. That is the situation in the Aso Rock meeting which indeed is funny but also dangerous.
It is also the situation with many of the deal men, contractors, dubious businessmen and con artists outside Aso Rock and across the country who use every conceivable platform to praise-worship the President as the ultimate anti-corruption czar. They brook no criticisms of the president. They pour vitriol on and label as corruption driven, any critical comment on the presidency. It is nauseating.
But it is such a grand industry in Nigeria, this perception management business. And it is not new. Contraptions like Youths Earnestly Ask for Abacha and folks who put up tons of congratulatory adverts and write ups litter our political history. Mostly they reflect the psychology of the man at the center of the fake groveling and fawning.
Buhari had no business taking precious work hours from the staff of Aso Rock just to hear empty platitudes. He clearly loves the adulation, the pomp and pageantry, the brightly coloured police bands and plastic smiles that welcome him when he returns from his short trips abroad. He loves to be Mr Integrity and relishes such hailing. But therein lies, also, his weakness: the sin of vanity.
He ought watch those around him and focus on the ball, not colours. The Aso Rock meeting was pure Alawada Kerikeri. I enjoyed the humor though.
But I also wondered what the topic of strategy on the agenda could be? That Baba's Tuwo is made too hard for him to swallow? No. Instead it was reported that Buhari spoke about his allergies. He stressed that he is particularly allergic to corruption.
The Aso Rock staff were befuddled. What the fish was going on? Were they summoned to hear the President's well versed and overly publicized "sermon on the mount" tirade on anti corruption? Is there some report of stealing or looting among the staff? Suspicious glances were furtively cast and feet shuffled in anxiety.
Then the meeting ended. Just like that. No culprit. No issues. Not even Baba's Tuwo. So the President actually found time to come yarn stuff on his corruption allergy to staff as if that is not over reported in the media daily. So what really was the purpose of the meeting if not to discuss staff welfare, awards for the more enterprising staff, more efficient and courteous service, greater productivity and provision of well done Tuwo Shinkafa for the President and his all northern inner caucus, the holy of holy, concentric circle of conspiracy.
Well, The Cable, online newspaper, investigated the unusual meeting and reported with a humorous headline: "Aso Rock Staff Dejected After 'Sycophatic' Meeting With Buhari". The story says: "Many of the staff thought it was going to be a heart-to-heart talk, and had planned to discuss burning welfare issues with the president." Well, they were wrong.
One of the workers told The Cable: "You can then imagine our shock when the State House permanent secretary (Jalal Arbi), who led us to the meeting, told the president we only came to welcome him back from his medical trip."
Now, seriously, this one had me in stitches. I was laughing so hard, I couldn't breathe. Talk of raw, undiluted, sulphuric sycophancy.
To add salt to injury, the President's spokesman, Femi Adesina, declared with some aplomb and maybe dramatic flourish that the staff from 12 departments of State House came to bid Buhari a “warm welcome” from his two week ear treatment trip to the UK.
Arbi spoke. And words like: your children, privileged, assure you of our commitment, integrity blah blah blah tumbled out of mouths moulded from from deceptive perception management.
After Mr President delivered his allergy for corruption speech, there were no questions. Everybody return to your seats and earn your keep.
The bewildered staff are reportedly amazed at the high wire conspiracy of sycophancy by their ogas at the top, wondering if that was not some form of corruption.
I also hear from inner sources that the staff wondered why Baba was talking to them about corruption when the real heavy men of corruption live free and are very well known.
They scratched their heads pondering Baba's declaration of acute allergic reaction to corruption and wondered how he hobnobs with the well known con artists of corruption that fueled his campaign to power and with whom he dines daily as party chieftains.
Those in image management know that an ignorant or fearful or manipulative brand head of an organization is likely to reduce his job to obsequious highlighting of what he perceives his boss wants. So if the boss loves adulation, publicity or even lying, the public image of the organization becomes the mirror image of such silly posturing of the boss. And he gets promoted with bonuses not for professional work but for destructive perception management of his boss. That is the situation in the Aso Rock meeting which indeed is funny but also dangerous.
It is also the situation with many of the deal men, contractors, dubious businessmen and con artists outside Aso Rock and across the country who use every conceivable platform to praise-worship the President as the ultimate anti-corruption czar. They brook no criticisms of the president. They pour vitriol on and label as corruption driven, any critical comment on the presidency. It is nauseating.
But it is such a grand industry in Nigeria, this perception management business. And it is not new. Contraptions like Youths Earnestly Ask for Abacha and folks who put up tons of congratulatory adverts and write ups litter our political history. Mostly they reflect the psychology of the man at the center of the fake groveling and fawning.
Buhari had no business taking precious work hours from the staff of Aso Rock just to hear empty platitudes. He clearly loves the adulation, the pomp and pageantry, the brightly coloured police bands and plastic smiles that welcome him when he returns from his short trips abroad. He loves to be Mr Integrity and relishes such hailing. But therein lies, also, his weakness: the sin of vanity.
He ought watch those around him and focus on the ball, not colours. The Aso Rock meeting was pure Alawada Kerikeri. I enjoyed the humor though.
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PLEASE BE POLITE